A Different Kind of Loss

One thing I tend to say far too often these days is that I’m “running out of time” to get healthy. It’s not a fascination with morbidity, but rather a realization that, like Captain Picard says to Deanna Troi in Star Trek, “Recently, I’ve become aware that there are fewer days ahead than there are behind.” While it is a nice thought to think that I might be around at 106 to agitate my children, I’m realistic. So, it was when I embarked on this journey to health, I was determined to stay the course unlike times in the past.

After leaving a seventy pound loss in the rearview mirror and eyeing up eighty pounds next, I’ve realized that it’s not about a number. While those numbers are fun to celebrate, can ground me with feelings of accomplishment, it’s truly about changing. I am happy finally, after years of feeling misery. Sure, I still deal with chronic pain and some residual effects from the trauma and loss I endured, but those feelings tend to reside a bit deeper and further away these days. I welcome that for sure.

There is one thing that I do that has helped me SO much along the way. I am consistent. As a true “creature of habit”, I now never revert back to my old ways like before. There is also no such thing as a cheat day either. Sure, I have pizza, chips, take out and more, but I weigh everything. When I can’t weigh, such as going out to eat, I search meticulously for the correct portion sizes to add to my macro diary. It may not be as exact as how I weigh everything at home, but it keeps me accountable. Also, I walk and lift weights. I walk every day, and when I can’t walk outside, I use my treadmill. I also have a variety of hand weights here as well that I use about 3-5 times a week on average.

Living with the level of anxiety I do and residual effects of the violence and trauma I endured still affects me on a daily basis. However, feeling better physically sure helps with the psychological recovery as well. While I’m not sure if I’ll ever need therapy or anxiety meds again, some recent “treatment” by some people in my life has made me consider it, but so far, I haven’t sought it out. I try to use my walks as a time to reflect, walk off some of the anxious thoughts and try to be as positive as I can. I have a goal weight, and I will be sure to reach it one day. As you pass a milestone this far in the weight loss game, things slow down tremendously. I may lose a pound a month, but I can’t let that discourage me.

I hope that wherever you are on your journey that you find the path you were meant to walk.

1 thought on “A Different Kind of Loss”

  1. 2020 definitely showed me what horrible shape I was in. I had zero stamina and my muscles had all atrophied.

    I knew that I needed to find a time I could commit to every day for at least a month to make the habit of walking stick. I know me very wellπŸ˜‰

    Mine isn’t a weight loss journey. Unfortunately, I have trouble making myself eat enough calories. Since winter of 2019 I’ve lost about 60 pounds. I’d like at least 20 of it back.

    I actually stopped walking every day to preserve the calories. My stamina and muscle tone is improved and that was the goal. I have to accept that post-menopause, my body will never look like it did before. Its not about appearance, its about recognition. I got used to my old body. Now I have to get used to my new one.

    I’m glad you’ve found a path that leads to where you want to go. There will always be obstacles, that’s life, but staying on the path is the key. Baby steps some days, dancing and running on others. Go You!πŸ₯³πŸ’ƒπŸΌπŸŒ»πŸ¦‹πŸ’•πŸ’Œ

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s