Recently, quite so, I found myself contemplating the level of peace I was feeling. It can be quite a shock to the system to suddenly become aware of the copious levels of anxiety that one is living with at the first notice of its absence. For the first time in well, too long, I reveled in the existence of just…me. I started noticing the effort I was taking to create opportunities for self-care, a return to my meditation practices and the quality of my sleep and other singular moments. To be honest, it feels wonderful.
Another benefit of the release of misery and anxiety (and its intolerable presence), is the ability to truly spend quality time with those I care about. Spending the evening with my children, laughing and watching a silly movie or just sitting and talking about life, the future and other happenings without the intolerable presence of extrinsic misery all around is intoxicatingly refreshing. How strange it is to finally feel free and at peace. No matter how arduous and long the road, the return is most welcome.
How profound are Buscaglia’s words?! I realized that certain “elements” had succeeded in sucking all of the joy and happiness out of my existence. To recognize and react to this by eliminating the source of it can be quite a revelation in seeking much sought-after peace. As I returned to thoughtful parenting and the day to day activities of being the good person I’ve always strived to be, no longer bound by the abject misery any longer, I have found a semblance of peace I once thought elusive. Time and again I keep saying I will do this, yet I persist in wallowing in that low place. I do not wish to return!
In my past, I have aligned myself with others who value deceit, a façade that defies logic, and an insatiable desire to impress far outside of their means. This illusion creates a false reality that dissipates eventually, leaving only an empty shell devoid of substance. It is quite sad to look on at someone who goes out of their way to fill the cavernous pit of loneliness they feel with material things. I’d rather have the tranquility of sitting outside and watching the stars, than to eat at a $100 a plate restaurant. Memories over things…experiences over items. It all means so much more.
While I hope to avoid any attempts at suggesting snobbery on my part in any way, I truly am expressing the way I feel about my moving forward, racing away from the materialistic existence I recently lived with, and a return to simplicity and solace. The need to find gratitude in less tangible “things” is rewarding on many levels I believe. That old saying, “you can’t take it with you” is quite applicable I believe when we look to seeking out happiness.
“The less you want, the richer you are.” How true is such a saying? I find happiness and peace in sunrises, sunsets, watching birds in my yard, finding things in bloom, the laughter of my children and other intangible things. I hope to do more of this. There is such emptiness for me when I hold things of monetary value. While I am profoundly grateful for the things I have: a home, creature comforts, good food, a vehicle, comfortable clothes and the like, I realize their value is not related to my journey.
I guess I should finish here. I need to seek out some memory-making suggestions for me and my children…I hope you find your peace and solace and that the journey isn’t as difficult as what I’ve just been through. In the end, I’m grateful to have my life back.