It’s that time of year again. All the stores are in full Mother’s Day swing. The jewelry stores are holding Mother’s Day extravaganzas (buy this diamond for “only” $3000 this Mother’s Day and make her the happiest mom ever! LOL), florists are advertising deals on bouquets for Mom, people are jockeying for standing space at the local card store to get a card for their mom, wife, grandmother etc. Me? I get a little “weird” this time of year. It’s hard to explain, but it’s just something about this holiday that is so different for me now, I don’t know whether to just go with it or hold my breath until it’s over.
Sure, I know I’m a mom every day and that will never change. My kids know that I’m their mom and one day a year set aside to celebrate our existence is a really nice commercialized, money making gesture by the companies in the world. Sure, who doesn’t need a day off, breakfast in bed (LOL as if), drowning in a sea of beautiful flowers and a spa day? Oops, went off on a “things I want” tangent instead of staying on topic.
While this is more like what I need to recover from another year of being a mom, there is a certain emptiness that comes along with this day. My grandmom is long gone and my mother too. I remember fondly the days of getting the kids ready and finding a roadside stand that was selling a pretty hydrangea bloom and we would pick one up for my mom on the way to her house. There would be a cookout and my mom and I would sit around and enjoy the kids while the guys grilled in the warm May sun. I reflect on it now with a melancholy sense of nostalgia. There hasn’t been a cookout in many years unless I get myself out there and start the coals LOL. On the table beside the food would be the little black plastic containers with annuals in them that my kids would buy at school during the “Mother’s Day Flower Sale”. Their little faces when they would get off the bus running towards me with the little blooms, dirt flying everywhere, that’s what Mother’s Day is all about to me.
I’m not having a pity party, if that’s what anyone is thinking. In fact, I truly recognize that life changes and people die and your world shifts forever. I am truly happy for those I love and care about who still have their mothers and my heart goes out in solidarity with those who do not. Like being a widow, it’s a club that you don’t ask to join, but are forced to against your will. Your life is forever different and now you become the “matriarch” and the one to whom people might choose to come to (eventually lol) for advice and other motherly things. It’s a natural part of life, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
I’m not a very materialistic person by nature, but I do enjoy tokens of love and other emotions. Maybe since I don’t expect them, I love them more? Who knows. I love the atypical gift, but I also love flowers. Some of my favorite things brought to me by my children were dandelions, buttercups and other things ripped from the earth. Their joy at seeing the little yellow dandelion hanging over the side of a dixie cup for a few hours was always such a wonderful thing. Those days are long gone, but surely not forgotten. I think that time spent is a gift as well. I can be happy with a night out or a bowl of peanuts while I sit around the table with all of my children. Your priorities change I guess.
So, to all of you out there who still have their moms…let them know in some way that you appreciate them, love them and maybe let them tell you a story about a little weed you brought them one day that was as precious as it gets. Tell them today…don’t wait.