There are times when I would like to take a hammer to my restless mind. I don’t mean that in any literal way, but there are times when I wish it would just hush up and let me be. I’d like to think that I have this control over it and I can just say, “time to rest now” and then it just calms down, but let’s be honest; anxiety doesn’t let that happen.
For so many years, I’ve fought the demons of my past, the emotions I’ve never mastered, the life I’ve never totally lived. Now, it’s within my reach and I find myself wanting, regretting, wishing, not willing to let go of things that keep bothering me, consuming my thoughts. I KNOW it’s time to let it go, yet my mind whispers…”not yet, let’s ruminate just a bit and don’t let go just yet…” Frustrating!
There is a certain kind of internal freedom that appears when you let a little bit of the past drift away. It doesn’t mean that you are giving in to it, or letting it dominate you, overwhelm you. You are just doing what you NEED to do…Let. It. Go. If it helps, close your eyes and picture a small vessel on the gently lapping sea. You’ve written down this woe, this trouble that worries your mind in the night and you just, place the paper in this small vessel and push it off. As it drifts away, the lapping sounds of the sea remind of you the diminishing watercraft as it gets smaller and smaller, reminding you and urging you to let the past wash away and allow in the now, today. You don’t have to let in tomorrow just yet if you don’t want to, but don’t swat away hope and renewal…they are allowed entry.
Ah, how profound the things we find written to inspire us. Moving forward is indeed a choice. When we move on, we are faced with what we are told we “should do” or “what is best for everyone”. However, when we make our future happen, we are consciously choosing to make a positive change and allow things in that we once thought impossible, difficult or unlikely. We only have one turn here in this life and despite the hurt we’ve experienced, or the loss we’ve incurred, if we truly strive for betterment and a chance for renewal and the delights of a better life, we can at least admit that it’s what we want and make the choice. You must want to do this or it will never work. You can’t force it, dream it or imagine it…trust me; I’ve tried.
Have you ever dreamed of something and woken, sad to see the dream drift away and wish you could fall asleep again and jump back where you left off? I have, so many times and the lustful wanting of that feeling is something that I want during my waking hours. While I don’t truly believe that you can make dreams come true, you can exist in a stagnant place that remains constant and can be fraught with unhappiness. Don’t be afraid to try something new, reach for a better path and believe in yourself. Baby steps, but take them.