Ok, now that we are entering something like month 2.5 of online dating, I thought it would be time for a fun update! Be prepared to be amazed, shocked and, well, actually, it’s all kind of ridiculous and mundane, but I try to find amusement in everything.
So, since my last *fantastic voyage* I mean, date from hell with “Texting Man”, now we have a much deeper and more complicated man to discuss. The “Serial Dater”. Guy messages girl, girl messages back. Witty bantering and good conversation ensues. Guy gives girl number, extends invitation to call. Girl calls, more witty chatting, laughing, things in common. Guy asks girl out, girl says yes. Plans are made.
We meet, he looks like his picture, enjoyable lunch, he works to extend the date by a few hours, total gentleman. We part ways, texting ensues, says he wants to see me again and then he goes back to his work life and SILENCE. Sure, I receive the occasional text and that he wants to see me, but he works SO MUCH (that part is true) and doesn’t have time. However, he’s still on the site all the time. Yes, that means I am as well, but I’m most certainly not going to sit around and wait. Lesson learned, but again, great lunch. At least I’m eating, like THAT was ever a problem.
Now we come to an actual liar, potential SCARY dating situation. This type of situation is why I never give out my name, real number (use a throw away free text number), address etc and why I INSIST on asking for their last name. I receive yet another glowing message of adoration and I return the message being polite. About four messages in, he mentions how much he wants to “french kiss” me? (What is this 1982?) I told him to back the hell up and to be more respectful (in so many words, but more polite than I should have been, knowing what I know now). He did stop, apologized and we moved on.
Still, something nagged at me but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I call him using my blocked number and all kinds of red flags pop up. He tells me his last name and I end the call. I look him up on the public webpage that lists crimes and he was charged with a 4th degree SEX OFFENSE AGAINST A MINOR. Ok? OK! I reported him to the site and not sure what their policy is on that, but wow.
Now at this point, people say, “you need to get off of there and never look back” or “see? I told you those sites were dangerous!” While I am probably way too optimistic for this world, I don’t believe that is entirely true. You have just as much of a chance of meeting the same type of person in a grocery store, at church (sorry I believe this as a family member has been stalked by a church employee for years), a bar, a walking trail or any other type of place you could meet someone to be honest.
So, with trepidation, I continue, but indeed the game has changed for me. I was able to easily pick out the sheer number of lies this person was throwing out because they were so obvious. I won’t get into the whole story, but this person was WAY too pushy and eager which threw up a “red flag” so to speak.
I learned a few new terms in the online dating world such as “ghosting” and “fading”. *good grief*. Apparently, ghosting refers more to the one-night-stand types (and there are PLENTY of them and it’s hilarious. Some people need to grow up and accept reality) that literally disappear after, but it also refers to someone completely unable to end things as a grown up. Instead of sending a note or just saying, “I had a great time, but I don’t think we’re a good match”, they just vanish. Childish and an example of someone no one really wants to be involved with in the first place.
If you’re going to keep foraging in this ridiculous jungle, there are two things you’re going to have to accept. EVERYONE has kids. As a widow, I have mine all the time for the most part, but those people who are divorced have schedules that rival the most demanding schedule of world leaders. “I can’t do Tuesday because Jill has Susie during the day while I’m at work, but I pick up at 4. Thursday might work if we can meet between 4:30 and 5:10 but only if it’s near X location”. OMG, then you finally find a time and you open your planner and see the doctor’s appointment you made six months ago that you can’t meet. SCRATCH THAT! and start all over again.
So, IF the person is telling the truth, ISN’T a serial dater/killer/criminal/liar AND if you can find a small pocket of free time to meet for coffee/candy/donuts or if you live where I do, hope it doesn’t rain and stand in a parking lot having an awkward convo for 20 minutes, you just might meet someone you like. Then, you have to wonder do you call first, do they, what do you say, how do you say it, can an emoticon be used and if so, which one (is there an approved list?). It’s EXHAUSTING, but interesting to say the least. Happy dating! (or celebrate that you’re not)