Ok, so I learned my lesson. A long, dragged out lesson of misery and WTH have I done kind of lesson, but I’m single again. As a widow, who works at home and has two children still living with me, I don’t exactly have a smoking hot social life.
I have friends who are or were single and swear by it. They say they’re happy and their life is fulfilling and I am truly happy for them. I’m more of an extrovert and enjoy interacting with people and like at least the concept of a happy, rich and loving relationship. The problem is: I’ve never HAD ONE. My track record is littered with a bad marriage involving abuse, an overseas romance that wound up making me recoil in horror, a dating site relationship that resulted in being engaged to the wrong person, and finally, a long distance relationship that I would like to use the world’s biggest eraser to forget.
When you enter the arena (I use the word arena with great purpose and reflections of the days of the Roman gladiators) of online dating, two things are certain to happen, at least in my experience as a woman. You are going to get thousands of likes, hundreds of messages and if you are interested in sex, lots and lots of it, you could pick and choose a new person every day for the rest of your LIFE. Since I’m not into free prostitution advertising, I am one of the “only looking for a serious friendship that might develop into a long term relationship” kind of members.
I am not hideous and I am not skinny. These two forces do NOT work well with online dating. For every 200 “omgosh girl, you are so hot” or “I know I’m only 22, but age doesn’t matter where we’re going” (eww) message, you will get many, “So, just what exactly does “not skinny/thin”/”curvy”/”rubenesque” etc mean” messages received, you will get just as many, “Oh it doesn’t matter to me, I’m only interested in what’s on the inside”. I think that phrase is code for, “I could’t care less about what you look like, I’m just interested in a one-night-stand that I will lie about and then never contact you again and block you.
So, with that fun-filled explanation out of the way, I’ve actually been on one date since I started checking out the site I’m on. First, we “liked” each other and sent a few polite messages back and forth. He was handsome and he thought I was pretty. My profile clearly states what I am looking for and I have four photos, one full length to show what I really look like. I, (sadly or luckily, not sure yet) am extremely honest and caring and am truthful in my profile. He said he was looking for “the one” to spend his life with, he has a child, etc. So, without more than a few days of exchanging messages, he offers to meet for lunch. I said yes.
I arrive to the venue ten minutes early after 14 hours of preparation. I’m as close to looking like a goddess than I ever will, due to the level of exfoliation, moisturizing, careful hair and makeup work involved. Goddess Level: First date after online match. He’s texting me that he’s running about 15 minutes late. His daughter had a game that ran over. I can understand so I politely respond that I’m there. I reserve a booth so we can be seated when he arrives. He arrives, 1/2 hour late, apologetic. We sit in the booth, I’m nervous and trying to think of conversation topics. He picks up his phone and starts texting. *screeching record player needle being pulled off sound*.
Um, OK. I quote, “I’m normally not this rude, but I’m going to Jamaica with my friends in a few weeks and there’s a last minute detail that can’t wait.” Ok, he puts the phone down and picks it up one last time, looking at the phone but assuring me, “I’m listening to you.” So, we order, food comes, we have nice conversation. He did tell me how hungover he was from all the partying he did the night before. Then I find out, he JUST split from his wife about 6 months ago. So, he’s still technically married, though separated and along with a new job she got, she got a new boyfriend in the process, hence the divorce. He thought things were “fine”. Really? We haven’t spoken since and to be honest, I blocked him. He’s into playing the field if I honestly reflect.
On the positive side, I wound up getting three meals out of that lunch. I’m sure that’s a sad reflection after a date, but at least I picked a place I like. I think that, as an woman “in my 40s”, with children, running around for one night stands is quite ridiculous to be honest. Getting to go out and have free time is precious and I don’t want to drive around to random hotel rooms to have sex with strangers. I truly don’t understand what anyone gets out of that (and I’m not being facetious either). It sounds empty and childish. I’m certainly not a prude, but really?
So for all the profiles I read from “admirers” who are leaning on their Mercedes wearing a Rolex, or the guys sitting on the beach holding a wine glass, sure, I’ll read, maybe even say hello, but those of us out here who are genuine and honest will figure it out. Maybe not immediately, but quicker than you think. Something tells me this topic will wind up being a series.